Marriage is work. Let’s be honest.

Do you know what is even more work? A marriage you start working on after things have been bad for a while.

If you have read any of our past blogs or listened to any of our podcasts, you would know that Kristy and I have been married before. Which means, our past relationships didn’t work out. These divorces didn’t happen “just because”.

We learned from our past mistakes. Adding value isn’t something we “should” do, it’s something you “must” do.

Today we want to share 3 ways to add value to your marriage TODAY!

The best way to have a great marriage is to add value every single day.

Stop focusing on your own needs.

Look, I know you have a love tank that needs all fueled up, you deserve to be treated like royalty, and you need to feel wanted and desired.

This is all true! You do!

The quickest way to get all of your needs and desires met by your spouse is to stop focusing on yourself.

Yep. I said it. Stop focusing on your own needs. Put your spouse first.

This can be extremely hard at first, especially if you and your spouse have been in a bad way for a while. This is where you need to seek out God for strength and wisdom.

Find out what your spouse needs; mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, then give it to them. Consistently.

Selflessness will lead you to togetherness. Togetherness will you to a fulfilled marriage.

Learn to listen to understand

Communication is the number one breakdown in marriages, by far, and it’s not even close.

When you are constantly trying to be heard, you are doing the exact thing you want your spouse to do for you… listen.

Find out the “why” behind what your spouse is saying. Don’t take everything for face value. Dig deeper.

In my training as a relationship coach, they taught us that when someone says something, ask them “tell me more”. The idea is to get to the root of what they are saying.

Why? Because most everything that comes out of our mouths has already gone through a major process before it is ever said.

Next time your spouse is talking to you and you feel like you are getting offended, hurt, or spoken to poorly, as them “tell me more” or “why do you say that” or “what do you mean by that”.

Then sit, listen, and understand.

Encourage. Encourage. Encourage.

Something that Kristy is really good at doing that I don’t see a lot of, is she likes to compliment random women when we are out in public.

It’s the strangest thing. I rarely see women compliment each other, much less random strangers.

The funny thing is, I always assumed it was for some weird reason, which I was wrong.

Kristy likes for other people to feel good. Now, she won’t compliment someone if the compliment isn’t genuine. She is always honest in her compliments.

Which leads me to say this. Don’t lie with your compliment. This will lead to deeper trust issues. What you can do is compliment your spouse on a strong attribute of theirs.

Before you say that they don’t have any… (shame on you!) You loved many things about them when you married them. Dig deep.

Kristy is an achiever. She cares deeply about achieving with integrity and honesty. This is hard in life. For real.

I tell her often how proud I am of her. Her character shines through in all she does and her honesty gives her more opportunity to do God’s work in her career.

She is the greatest leader I know. I truly believe that and I make sure she knows it.

If you’re not building your spouse up, in their eyes you are tearing them down.

Encourage them with your words, body language, and actions.

Do these today. Don’t wait for the optimal time, there isn’t one.

Start adding value to your marriage today so you can have the marriage you have always wanted.

Remember, God loves you and we love you!