Marriage, especially marriages with blended families, are an uphill battle from the git go. The last thing we need is another reason for our progress to be held back.
Today I want to talk about the 3 of the 7 things holding your marriage back and why using them today can transform your marriage and your family forever.
Look for part 2 coming for the final 4. [if you’re a basketball fan, you’re welcome]
Look, this is hard. Period.
It’s so much easier to reject responsibility. If we take responsibility that means there is something we need to change. This change means something about ourselves. None of us want to believe we need to do more work, especially on ourselves. We are tired of the everyday grind already. Working on ourselves is almost always a last resort. We see it in recovery all the time.
In marriage, responsibility means your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Most of us were damaged from our previous marriage. This has caused us to be overly protective, and we have become reactive in our thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Harmful thoughts and overly sensitive feelings always lead to harmful and reactive actions. Some of the most harmful actions we have are our words. Passive aggressive jabs and insults that we feel are warranted.
So the next time you feel your mind heading down that road, check yourself before you wreck yourself (or your loved ones).
Thumbs Not Fingers
Umm. What? You have heard it from your momma before: “When you are pointing your finger at someone, you have 4 more pointing back.”
We need to embrace the thumbs and stop relying on our fingers to justify our actions. Our last point was taking responsibility. Let’s use a few examples of the pointing:
“My kids are fine, it’s your kids that are causing all the issues.”
“This is how we have always had Christmas, it’s what’s best for our family.”
“I have always had my kids in every single sport known to man, plus gymnastics, ballet, kite surfing, and log rolling. Sorry, not sorry.”
Ok, I think you get the idea. These are all finger-pointing situations. When we require our spouse and their kids to do the changing, it’s because we aren’t looking at the new family as a NEW FAMILY. This requires some serious thumbs.
Are you changing? Even the “good” stuff to accommodate your new family? This is healthy change and it requires healthy doses of thumbs.
Stop Making It About You
This goes right in line with the previous two. I know Kristy and I are stubborn mules. We can easily dig our heels in, just to dig our heels in. We are making it about ourselves when we do that.
Are you being sacrificial for the family? Are you following what God says for your role? Men, are you loving your wife like Christ loves the church? Are you doing this even when she is being rejective, angry, mean, and uncooperative? Christ loved the church even when the church didn’t love Him back. Stop making it about you.
Women, are you submitting to your husband’s authoritative role in the family dynamic? I get it, the term “submit” feels ugly and dirty. Think of it this way… You are not submitting to your husband, you are submitting yourself to Christ. Stop making it about you.
These are hard. This is why marriage is hard. And this is why a marriage with a blended family is even harder. Put the work in, and you will see the results your heart desires. I know this because I have experienced this over the last 11 years.
Stay tuned for next week when I release the final 4 points of what’s holding your marriage back.
I recently created an entire video on this plus a downloadable PDF that goes with it. If you would like it, just join our FREE Private Facebook Group and it’s in there for you to have!