If you are looking for solutions to push your marriage forward, keep reading.
A while back I did part 1 of this article. If you have landed here first before reading part 1, check it out and come on back. [PART 1]
I created a PDF of all 7 of these as well in our private Facebook group. If that is something you would want, check it out here: 7 Things Holding Your Marriage Back
I want to share with you the final 4 things that are holding your marriage back.
Stop complaining [start solving]
Look, nothing is more satisfying than just sitting around sharing about how miserable things are in your life. We all like to believe we are seeking solutions when doing this, but you need to stop lying to yourself. What you’re really looking for is sympathy.
We seek people to tell us what we want to hear, not what we need to hear. We are constantly looking to be reassured about our decisions and our actions.
When we do this, we stop trying to solve problems in our marriage [and family] and we just complain about them. We put the solution on our spouses, or ex, or kids, or… whoever we can get to take it!
STOP COMPLAINING! Everything is solvable. Everything. Once you train your brain to see problems as opportunities, you then only seek solutions. You stop looking for sympathy and start excepting empathy.
Surround yourself with people that are solution driven. Stop taking your problems to friends, parents, or workers, and sit down with your spouse and find a solution to the problem.
It’s there. I promise you.
Stop living in the past
Most of you are living your entire existence staring in the rearview mirror. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. When things are good, you think “this won’t last” or “something isn’t right, this is too good to be true”.
When you do this, all you are doing is using your past as fuel for your present. Your past leaves clues but it doesn’t always leave facts about what is happening today. You allow so much of your pain in the past to create a reality today.
Create a new reality for today. You have the power to do so. Just because you have been hurt in the past, it doesn’t mean your spouse is going to be the one to do it to you again.
Faith and trust. These are the guiding principles of our existence as Christians. How are you applying them to your marriage?
You can’t pour from an empty cup
The Bible teaches us to put others above ourselves. What does that actually look like?
One of my favorite scenes from the movie “Four Christmases” is when Vince Vaugh is in the car with Reese Witherspoon and she started telling him how selfish he is.
She told him “I bet if we were in a plane and it began to crash, you would put your oxygen mask on first!!!’ He said, “I would, and the FAA would want me to!”
Why would the FAA want us to put our masks on first? What about our kids? Our wives? Our husbands?
It’s simple. If you pass out, you are no good to any of them.
Bible tells us to love our neighbors like ourselves!
We need to care for ourselves to be useful to others. This does not mean we need to be selfishly caring for ourselves.
I like to golf. I stink at it, but for some weird reason, I still love it. If I were to tell my wife that I “need” to golf 3 times a week, away from her and the kids, to “fill my cup” I am using this as a selfish tactic!
Quick self-improvement checklist:
- How is your sleep?
- How is your diet?
- How is exercise?
- How is your mental/emotional improvement?
- How is your prayer life?
A well-balanced life is a forward-looking one in all areas. This includes your marriage.
Put up or shut up
It seems that our world has become more talk and less action. How many books have you read on the same topic? Have you taken full action on the books that you have read? Most likely not if you are reading others like it.
Are going to start doing date nights with your spouse? Can’t because of XYZ? Excuses.
Are you going to start having a weekly sit-down meeting with your spouse on Sunday night so you can have a “same page plan” for the week but seem to never get to it? Excuses.
Are you going to start talking to your spouse in THEIR love language but feel tired or the timing is always bad? Excuses.
We have reasons [you mean EXCUSES] of why we can’t… You need to have reasons why you can!
No more thinking about it. Do like Nike says… Just do it!
I started ending my showers daily with a few seconds of cold water. Like, ice-cold water.
Sound stupid? Well, it seems really stupid when I am about to turn the dial from hot to cold.
There is tons of science of why this can be amazing for you.
It never fails, 2 seconds before I change the temp, I start making excuses of why I don’t need to do it today.
Then… I do it anyway!
Train yourself to take action. Bold, intentional action. Your marriage and your life will be better for it.
Life is hard, but life is much harder when you don’t work hard.
Remember, we love you and God loves you.