Everyone has heard of the 5 love languages but have you heard of the 5 apology languages?
Yes, Gary Chapman partnered with others to develop the 5 apology languages. Have you ever felt that your partner doesn’t respond the way that you were anticipating when you apologize? Maybe you feel like when your partner apologizes to you that it doesn’t seem genuine?
Take the apology language quiz and you may be able to find out why! 🙂
Let’s review what the 5 languages are:
This form of an apology language means that you want your partner to say the words “Im sorry” AND listing the hurtful effects that their actions caused you along with showing remorse. You want your feelings validated and that your partner genuinely expresses regret.
This form of an apology means that the person earnestly admits that they were wrong for what they did, they say “I was wrong”. This means you do not want to hear excuses and would prefer to hear your spouse state what they did wrong and what they learned from it.
OF COURSE – this is Josh’s primary apology language because stating that “I was wrong” is one of the hardest things for me to admit/say. LOL!
This shows vulnerability and that is still something that I am growing. However, this is important for me to know because I want my husband to know without a doubt that I am sorry for something. I want to be able to apologize to him in his language and validate him.
This apology language is you asking your partner “What can I do to make it right?” This language is an I’m sorry but also working to find ways to correct the situation. You want your spouse to prove that they are willing to correct the problem and take the lead here because they are the ones that messed up.
OF COURSE – this is my primary apology language! LOL because it also includes the love languages as well. This apology needs to be also done with your spouse’s love language in mind. I am positive that this is somewhere due to me feeling that words are cheap, show me that you will not hurt me again. You can also watch a previous episode-
This apology language includes your partner stating “I will try not to do that again.” with genuinely repenting and a change of behavior. This language needs genuine remorse. What is repenting – it is doing a complete 180 and going into the opposite direction. That is what we do continuously when we are repenting to Jesus right? We do not have to say “I am sorry” to God because we are already forgiven. He wants us to repent, which is a changed behavior. That is what this apology language needs.
This apology language means that you would like your spouse to ask “Will you please forgive me?” You do not want your spouse to just say “I am sorry” and move on – you need time to process your hurt and let them know when you have forgiven them because you may not be ready yet to work through it. You need to know that your spouse is willing to wait and offer you the space that you need to heal from the hurt.
Check out the episode on the apology languages:
The goal of knowing your apology language is to benefit and make your relationship stronger. THe more we know about one another and are willing to serve our spouse sacrificially the stronger our relationship will become.
Pray together and prey for each other – marriage is hard, blending families is harder. Submit yourself over to God and allow HIm to give you the wisdom to work through trials together. You will have struggles and the more that you and your spouse can apologize to each and offer forgiveness to each other the less that these will seem like impossible problems but small hurdles that you just need to jump over. 🙂
Remember we love you, God loves you….