Holidays can be challenging for a blended family. I remember the first couple of years with Christmas and how stressful it would be until we decided on a rotation each year that just seemed to make it fair. I was sitting back today and thinking about Halloween (and the 4th of July) and how lucky Josh and I were when it came to those two holidays because our exes both went out to the bars on those nights and never wanted the kids. We always had all of our kids and we were truly blessed for that.
There are some families that rotate and there are some families that do it all together every year. My sister-in-law has a blended family, she has two girls with her ex and three with her now husband. They usually come over to our house for Halloween with all of the kids and her ex and his new wife come too. They are able to make it work.
What I would like to see is for people to break the stigma that if a blend can’t do things all together that it’s a bad thing. If everyone is mature enough to say that they prefer to not be around each other and want to make sure that the kids will have a fabulous time and not worry about a blow-up then we need to do things separately.
What are some lessons that we need to remember when it comes to Halloween and our kids?
This is meant to be for the kids, not us.
Don’t force something out of guilt or a stereotype. Embrace that if it isn’t going to work doing it together what are the other options? If the kids will have a better time without their parents being together then are you mature enough to give up every other Halloween for their sake? This helps with self-awareness a lot and also how to accept things not being “your way”
What can you do instead?
If it’s not your year with the kiddos or your kids are grown. Josh and I had tons of people come over to our house every year to go trick or treating and even after our kids have grown and don’t go anymore that tradition has remained. We have friends who come over that have kids and friends that come over that don’t. We usually end up with more adults than kids! We all walk around, carry a bowl of candy with us, and say we are a traveling house! It has created many unforgettable memories and I am sure many more to come.
If it is not your year with your kids – do you call them up and tell them how much you miss them and that you are so sad that they are not with you? That is not taking point number 1 seriously. This is not about you. Your kids did not ask to share or to have you get a divorce. Check your feelings and call them up and tell them that you hope that they have so much fun, to send you pics and that you and their other parent love them very much! Then go back to point #2 – what can you do that year instead? 🙂
The holiday season is upon us! Start prepping your heart and mind now and ask God to soften your heart towards this and give you wisdom!
Check out this previous episode – Blended families and holiday traditions
Remember that we have our event coming up THIS Saturday! [November 5th, 2022] WOOHOO!! GO to joshandkristy.com to check it out.
Remember – we love you…God loves you!