Have you ever stopped and thought that your girls’ nights out or your guys’ nights out may be damaging your marriage?
I know what some of you are thinking – “Damage the relationship? Are you crazy my spouse and I would be at each other’s throats if we didn’t have nights out!”
Bear with me – it’s going to be okay. We aren’t saying to have girls’ and guys’ nights out. We are saying that there are checks and balances for your relationship to ensure that it is not damaging your relationship.
Prioritizing your spouse
This is a self-check to really look within and challenge yourself and the way that you are thinking. Are you jumping to schedule the dates with your friends and getting excited about it? How much effort are you putting into the date night with your spouse? Are you just as excited and dress yourself up just as nice? There are many self-checks here that will show you where your priority lies. This is an excellent time to pray to God and have Him open your eyes and heart to where you are placing your spouse in your priorities.
Josh and I both agreed when we got together that we would not be having any overnights away from each other and we would not be going out on girls’ nights out or guys’ nights out. Our marriage has an incredible bond of transparency and trust that is almost unexplainable other than we put GOD in the middle AND we put each other first, above all else. If someone asks if we can go do something we always tell the person that we need to talk to each other first and will get back to them. This is mutual respect as well. Do not look at this as “asking permission” look at this as respecting one another.
There are two simple questions to ask yourself. How many times a month/year do I have girls’ nights out? How many times a month/year do my spouse and I go out? Then compare the difference there. If you go out 12 times a year with your girlfriends (which is once a month on average) and you go out on date nights twice a year with your spouse, this is a serious imbalance. However, you don’t need to look at this as a bad thing – this is an area where you can strengthen your marriage over night! Sit down and talk to one another and agree to make a change.
As a side note – if any of your friends you are hanging out with are single, this could negatively impact you mentally towards your marriage. Many times people like hanging out with their single friends so that they can live vicariously through them. This is damaging and should be an immediate fix. You know in the Bible where God says if you are at the altar and remember you have to make it right with someone to leave the gift and go make amends first. THEN come back. What makes you think your marriage is any different? If there are some underlying issues in your marriage that need to be addressed all other things should be stopped and time with just the two of you needs to be made a top priority! This is the most important relationship that you have on earth. Nothing is to come before this.
Strength of your Marriage
Is your marriage strong enough to have nights out, to begin with? This needs to be an honest answer to yourself. If the answer is yes – what should the frequency be? What does your spouse think? If the answer is no – then nights out should be a no. Little by little these could start to chip away at your marriage if you and your spouse aren’t doing regular checkups with one another to keep the “connection” strong.
I personally feel that this is something that shouldn’t even be messed around with. Why would I want little fractures to start to happen in the foundation of my marriage? What is the foundation besides God – what is the next layer? TRUST. Josh and I rarely ever go out without each other – we make sure to have married friends that can do “couples” things. One thing that we have noticed is 90% of the time when we go to parties or events that the men and women separate and don’t stay together and communicate as couples. I don’t know about you all but being blended is already hard enough to get time alone – when Josh and I go out we WANT to be together!
Here is the podcast on it:
Let us know what you think.
Remember we love you… God loves you…