The reality of marriage is that boredom happens. If you are in a relationship and think this will never occur to you, then your spouse is probably already bored. Take off the rose-colored glasses and let’s talk about boredom in marriage!
One of a marriage’s superpowers is being able to see the reality of it. Boredom is real. Part of our problem as a Christian society is not because we don’t go to church, it’s because we just go through the motions.
Marriage is much like our walk in faith. It can get overly simplified.
Wake up. Make coffee. Say “see you tonight babe, have a good day, I love you”. Go to work. Come home. Eat dinner. Talk about the next Netflix series you want to binge on together. Sit across the room as you space off into the television. Go to bed.
Now you say “What? We don’t go out without each other. We watch tv together. What’s the issue?” The lack of effort is the problem.
Now do this day in and day out for 30 years. Yep, that is how broken marriages are created. Boredom.
Ok, so I have probably poked a nerve already. So, what can you do about it? Let’s get to that.
Change up your routine
If you are someone that likes to work out then you understand the idea of muscle growth and muscle memory. If you continue to workout every single day for 10 years and you lift 20-pound dumbells only, your body will get accustomed to the routine and eventually will stop growing.
Well, your marriage is exactly the same. If we do what is comfortable for too long, we will stop growing in our marriage. (let’s get real, this applies to our walk with Christ and our own personal development, but that’s for another post.)
Change things up! I’m not saying to not binge-watch a series, do it! The idea is to then binge-walk a new path outdoors with your spouse, next. Pick a new park to visit and do that for a month or 2. Save the Netflix shows for the winter. (We living in Michigan so winter is nasty. Yuck) Don’t stop there. Switch up your daily routine as well. Breakfast in bed… for dinner! Put your creative hats on and enjoy your new routines.
I think as a society we fear being spontaneous, at least for men. We are afraid this will backfire on us. Buckle up boys, and prepare for some backfires! This is the only way we will show our wives that we care. You fail enough times and the wins will shine like a well-oiled bald head. Being spontaneous adds such value to your mundane marriage.
I bought Kristy a book for Christmas called “The Adventure Challenge: Couple’s Edition”. If you haven’t seen this check out this episode: https://youtu.be/LNlwkCXNBrI
This book is all about being spontaneous. You will love it.
This is such a powerful one. I love serving with Kristy. I get to see a part of her that I would not normally see. It helps me have a broader vision of her and how she impacts our marriage.
Serving is important, we are all called to do it. Serving together is also important, it can teach you how to love other together, how to work as a team to help others, and how to be together in a way that is not part of your normal routine.
It’s easy to get sucked into the serving positions at church. Let’s get real, 20% of the church does 80% of the serving. With this reality you’re 1 of 2 people: 1. Serve all the time in every ministry. or 2. Have every excuse why you don’t have time to serve.
Let’s get you in the middle of that and include your spouse. You can say no to serving in specific areas and you can say yes to the ones that allow you to serve with your spouse. You can also make suggestions for new areas to serve. Trust me, as a staff member at church we do not know everything.
Do not accept your routine as it is. Life will become comfortable and stagnant before you know it. By then it is super difficult to create change in your marriage. Your spouse will begin to check out and getting them to check back in is not an easy task.
Take your marriage seriously and begin dropping the boredom in your relationship today.
Remember that God loves you and we love you.
Check out the podcast we did on this exact topic!