One of my biggest struggles is leaning on others. I have (and Kristy which makes it worse) an attitude of “I can handle this myself”.
Really this is because of two reasons: firstly, I don’t want others to think I need the help or that I am weak, and secondly, I don’t want others to be inconvenienced by me and my issues.
My pastor said something that really made sense to me in regard to this, he said: “you need to allow these people to help you, they want to help you because they love you.”
I feel like there are two types of people in this world: givers and takers.
I also am beginning to understand that there are negatives to both.
In marriage, especially a 2nd marriage, if we are going to fight battles that feel impossible, love kids that feel unlovable, and have a marriage that is indestructible, we really need to understand that we can’t do it alone.
You need to learn to lean.
I want to share 3 ways you can learn to lean and make a massive positive impact in your marriage.
Lean into a positive mind
It’s your choice to be positive or negative, which one are you choosing?
It can get so easy to think “of course this is going wrong, it always goes wrong!”
In reality, we never think “of course this is going right, it always goes right!”
That actually sounds funny even typing it.
The storms in life (and in marriage) really are temporary. What you do today will make tomorrow’s outcome positive or negative. All too often we sit in a negative head space and just wait for things to get better. It just doesn’t work that way.
Lean into a positive mind.
Lean into community
Ok, you probably act like or even think you do this, but you most likely don’t. Why? Because it’s hard! When someone asks you how you are, you immediately say “fine” or “good”. Why?
For the same reasons I do. Stop. Doing. That.
Allow your community to help. Let them know you are not good right now. They want to help and let’s be honest, you need it.
Community is there to share your burdens not just cheer you on when things are good. Use your community the way God intended them to be used… lean on them.
Lean into Christ
Also, something you are probably sidestepping. Now, I’m not saying you’re not praying, but are you turning it over to Him? Big difference.
When I was 15 I was in a hunting accident and I got shot. (another story for another day) My mom still says today that in the elevator in the hospital as I am laying on a gurney dying, she had to turn me over to Christ. She was absolutely powerless over the outcome.
Now, this is a big example, but are you turning over even the small issues to Him? Fear. Anxiety. Nervousness. Kids. Stepkids. Husband. Wife. High conflict ex?
Jesus desires a relationship in which you are willing to give over the heavy burdens to Him so he can carry them for you. Are you leaning on Him?
Learn to lean. You were never designed to carry it all yourself.
Remember, God loves you and we love you.
1 Corinthians 10:13
1 Peter 5:7
2 Corinthians 1:9