August 15, 2022
minutes reading time

The one thing that I have realized over the last decade of my life, is that if I want to change anything in my life, which includes my marriage, I need to first change me.

Mindset is a crazy thing. We run a recovery ministry at our church and I have guys come to me all the time with all different types of issues. Typically they are “in their own head’ too much.

“In my head?” is the typical response I get.

Something that is hard to wrap our minds around is that we only see the world and our problems, in the way that our mind interprets them.

The only way around this is to get out of your own head. Mindset change is how this is done.

I want to briefly discuss a few ways to begin doing this today so you can begin solving issues in your life and marriage immediately.


First I must choose to want to be part of the solution, not just deny that I have no power in it. It’s easy to stay in denial because it’s hard for anyone to challenge us on how we “think” or “feel” about situations.

We can easily run and hide from them. The only way out of this is to choose. Take responsibility for your part. Step up and accept that you must stop denying your own ability to impact and influence your marriage and its problems.

Are you going to see life with a growth mindset or a fixed mindset? Growth mindsets are when we believe that no matter the past or the current circumstances, change can happen. This doesn’t mean it will be easy, but it means it is possible.

A closed mindset means that you believe that your situations are fixed and that no matter how much you train, work hard, or study, you have zero power over your situation.

So the first step is to choose.


This one is hard. This is the power of getting outside your own head. You need to begin by looking in the mirror daily and telling yourself the truth about yourself and your ability. God’s Word is so powerful in doing this for us.

You were created in His image. If that is the case, we are nothing like what we say we are in our own heads. Nothing.

Zig Ziglar has a powerful checklist of morning affirmations that you read out loud every morning while staring into the mirror. This allows you to begin picking on the poor internal language you use with yourself.

Consumption Matters

Are you giving excuses or reasons why it’s ok to watch or listen to the things you do? This has a massive impact on your mindset.

Years ago Kristy and I began to feel convicted of the “R” rated movies we were watching. Nudity was something we never thought was a big deal in watching movies. Until we realized it was.

We are all different, I realize this. I ask you to be 100% honest with yourself in this department. You can and should purge some things in your life that are altering your mindset.

Consumption matters.


You need to commit to a lifelong process of reprogramming and training your mindset.

We live in a society of immediate gratification. This is not a department that changes overnight. It takes time, perseverance, and community to make a real lifelong mindset change.

If your circle of influence is not encouraging you to move forward in the way you think, find a new circle. If guilt is what is holding you back from this, then this is a perfect place to start working on your mindset.

The only thing holding you back from making a positive change in your life and your marriage is you.

Are you part of the problem, or are you part of the solution?

It’s your choice.

We love you. God loves you…

Check out our newest podcast episode!

About the Author Josh

Defending those that can't. Loving the difficult. Serving the one true God.

Take the marriage quiz today!

Success message!
Warning message!
Error message!