As I sit in the hospital next to my wife and she tries to sleep in an uncomfortable and loud hospital bed, I am thinking about how many marriages there are in this world that have a spouse that doesn’t care for their spouse the way they so desperately need it.

About six weeks ago, Kristy had routine foot surgery. It was invasive enough that she needed to have some hardware put in; a plate and about six screws.

Unfortunately, as time passed, we realized she was allergic to the Chlora-Prep they use in surgery. We didn’t know she had an allergy before all of this. Because of this allergy, she ended up with 2nd-degree chemical burns on her foot and on her 5-inch long incision.

They eventually created some blisters which led to some infection.

That’s how we ended up here. She is due to get another surgery tomorrow morning to clean the wound and do a skin graft. Yes, the wound is about the width of a half dollar and 5 inches long.

It. Is. Bad.

The plan is also to put in a PICC line for the next six weeks to give her IV antibiotics. This should take care of the infection. If none of this works, they will have to open her wound back up and remove her hardware.

Sigh… Let’s pray that is not the case.

Now. That is the story of why she is here.

But, why am I here?

Don’t I have work? What about kids? Dogs? Appointments?

Yes. I have all of those things. I have a million responsibilities of why I shouldn’t be here.

I can come up with a million more of why I don’t need to be here.

“She’s fine.” “She’s just resting.”

Because that’s not how we do marriage.

We have a high level of expectation in our marriage and on ourselves that is about going above and beyond.

We want an exceptional marriage and the only way to have one, is to create one.

Spouse First

Many people say this, but do your actions prove it?

I mean when it gets tough do you rearrange everything to support your spouse? Or do you rearrange your spouse to support your reasons why you can’t?

The reason why this is mostly lip service is that it’s hard. The rest of the world doesn’t understand and they will criticize you for doing it. Others (with subpar marriages) don’t want you making them feel worse about how they treat their marriage.

Here is good advice: Don’t allow someone to speak into your marriage that you wouldn’t want to model your marriage after.

When your spouse needs you, an exceptional spouse will find a way to be there. Even if that means working on your laptop next to her while she sleeps, in the hospital. Just so she doesn’t feel alone and scared.


Where are your priorities? The Bible lays it out pretty clearly.

God. Spouse. Family……

I think the biggest struggle with this one is work. We need to work to pay our bills. The hospital bills are going to climb and if we don’t have a job, we can’t pay the bills.

This is true… But! You knew there was one coming…

If you have a healthy conversation with your workplace long before a need to care for your spouse ever comes up, this doesn’t become a problem.

It really comes down to priorities. If you want an exceptional marriage, you need to prioritize your life which will create one.


Yep. This is hard too!

I know I have had to, and continue to have to flex everything around Kristy right now. The key is that I am willing to be flexible. I desire to care for her, so the pain that comes from being flexible doesn’t phase me.

Flexibility is not a matter of circumstances but a matter of choice. When you choose to make your spouse a priority, flexibility is part of that choice.

Are you getting upset when things go sideways because now you have to flex? Be reminded that great marriages don’t happen, they are created.

Tragedy happens. This is not a matter of if, it is a matter of when. How is your marriage going to hold up during this time?

Are you going to care for your spouse the way they need and deserve, or are you going to be like the average marriage and make excuses?

Be better. Be exceptional.

Remember, God loves you and we love you…

About the Author Josh

Defending those that can't. Loving the difficult. Serving the one true God.

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