When you are married you are still an individual and sometimes that gets lost.
You both still go through your own trials and tribulations that you have to bear, as well as bear the load of your spouse.
Now as most of us can agree this is more than doable when our spouse has something “extra” going on and we have our “normal” going on to help take the weight off of them a little. But how do you stay connected to one another when you both have things going on that you need support from your spouse?
You probably guessed it….communication.
Watch this previous episode about communicating with your GUT
So as most of you know I had foot surgery on Aug 5th and it has been one thing after another since then with infection. I had a PICC line put in place last week after a 4-day stint in the hospital. This foot has taken up a lot of time and energy due to Josh needing to pick up more responsibility for our lives. Well on Sept 4th my grandmother went into the hospital and she is pretty sick because she is still in a rehab facility with no end in sight.
On Sept 5th (josh’s birthday) we were at the hospital visiting my grandma and we received a text from Graden stating that Nala, our chihuahua, had a seizure.
Then Sept 8th, Josh was in a rollover car accident where he rolled 2-3 times totaling our car.
Just to top that off with me going into the hospital a couple of weeks later due to my foot.
So what is all this to say?? Josh has had to bear the weight of all of this extra stuff around the house and driving all the time while suffering from PTSD from his rollover accident. Not to mention almost getting carjacked while I was in the hospital while going to get me lunch.
I wasn’t thinking to ask him how he was doing and what I could do for him emotionally because I was thinking about all my medical issues and if I need time off work who is going to pay our bills?
This past weekend we had to talk about what we are both going through and how we need to be understanding and patient with one another while we support one another and also learn our own lessons that God is trying to teach us.
So how can we do this? How can we get better in our marriages and stay together when both of us are dealing with some pretty heavy stuff?
Pray together/read your Bible together
You can pray together in the morning or at night (or both 😂) to have God keep your eyes and hearts open to each other. Bring the patience that is needed for yourself and your spouse. Send each other a bible verse throughout the day if you think of one. I have a prayer called “A Wives Prayer for Her Husband” that I have printed out in my office that I pray about my husband. God is the one that changes our hearts and minds.
Watch this previous episode – 3 ways to pray for your marriage
Have a conversation
This needs to be an intentional conversation that each of you enter with the other person in mind. Prep the convo by saying, “Let’s talk about how each of us are feeling right now mentally and physically and what WE need to do to make sure our marriage is staying steadfast” Then you need to be honest. This is not the time to say ‘ I don’t feel you’re supporting me. This is the time that you say – I am struggling with some PTSD right now and have high anxiety while driving. or I am struggling with some fear and anxiety right now over all my medical issues. Then you discuss what you both can do. Think of it as laying everything down like a playing card and then you both decide how to tackle them together.
check out this previous episode – Openness and Honesty in Marriage
This is HIGHLY important. Do you need to go talk to someone? Depending on what you are dealing with maybe you do and that’s OKAY! Do you need to take a couple of days off of work? Do you need to take a week or two off of responsibilities that you may have at church? And no offense men but you guys are worse at this than us ladies! You need to not pretend that you are the ROCK and get back to KNOWING that God is the rock. You are not the one holding everything together that HE, JESUS is!
Josh and I both suck at self-care and letting go of responsibilities when we need a break which shows because we’ve never done a podcast on self-care in marriage which shows me right now while I’m typing that we need to.
However here are a couple of previous ones that can give you some tips that may help:
Are you suffering from Burnout
We love you and God loves you (more).