I never realized this until I read a book recently called Mother & Son. I know what you’re thinking… how is a book about a mother and her son have anything to do with loving your husband? Well… the author is the same person that wrote love & respect, which I had never read!
The book talks about how a woman (mother) is supposed to love her son (or man) in his “mother tongue” by speaking into him the way that he will hear it best.
Generally, for most women we respond to love and how much our spouse loves us. So, we want to love them back.
Men don’t respond to love the same as they respond to respect. This got me thinking and is actually something that Josh and I put into practice. We also talked about these things in our break-out sessions at the Perfectly Blended event this past November.
Women want to be loved, safe, & protected.
Men want to be honored, trusted, & respected.
Now, of course, there are always exceptions to the rule but generally, this is the case.
Men: Your wife wants to know that you love her through your actions, words, or touch. She wants to feel safe when being herself and that you won’t make her feel stupid or less than for showing her true authentic self.
She wants to feel protected by knowing that you will always have her back and not allow a friend or family member to talk down to her or talk about her to you.
Women: Your husband wants to know that you respect him by allowing him to lead the family and make decisions. Respect the position that God put him in and then trust him to carry those out. Men love to know that we as wives trust that they will follow through on their word and responsibilities. You know? “promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate”.
Your husband feels honored when you praise him for who he is and how great of a man he is. He feels honored when he hears you talking him up to other people.
It is hard for our husbands to love us the way we need because they want to show us respect by saying “I love you” and it is hard for wives to show their husbands love because we want to love them, when really if we respected them they would feel loved.
This doesn’t have to be a hard battle this can be a beautiful harmony if you and your spouse agree to work on it together and love each other in each other’s “mother tongue”.
If you are trying to tell your spouse you love them in the simplest, quickest, and most efficient way possible, why wouldn’t you WANT to do it in the way that they would hear it best?
Remember we love you & God loves you…